A Molotov Cocktail, my dreams symbolized in flames

2007-08-30T09:36:00.000+08:00

hellop boys. 9 weeks to a levels.

2007-08-25T09:58:00.000+08:00

It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dying breath of this love we've been working on
Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's gonna come and save you
We pulled too many false alarms
We're going down and you can see it too
We're going down and you know that we're doomed
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room
I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one i tried to draw
How dare you say it's nothing to me
Baby, You're the only light I ever saw
I made the most of all the sadness
You'd be a bitch cause you can
You try to hit me just hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty cause you can't understand
We're going down and you can see it too
We're going down and you know that we're doomed
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room

2007-05-25T22:14:00.000+08:00

Its finally over.
We didnt win the title. I cant honestly say that i feel alright that the season's finally over. I can never get rid of the memory. It was the rj guy that i was marking that scored in the semis. We should have won the title. The 3rd-4th placing match was heartbreaking for me. I know it sounds really bad of me but the way we played, to me i feel that we deserve to win the title, period. It was just down to my mistake and missed penalties. I have no more regrets over the season now. My team this year was the best team i ever played with and it felt different from the year before, i had much more responsibility and accountability and it made this year a whole lot more fulfilling.

From Najid my handsome keeper, to Hazreen my not-so-handsome fullback, to wuchean the robot of the team, to wan my closest rival in terms of fitness, to justin the whiteman, to joel the face-of-the-year, to yonghong the lovedoctor, to roland the patchhead, to kenneth the mr sneaky, to addison my betting partner and to iqbal the fatass. To think of it, i've been playing soccer with some of them for 6 YEARS! CB. like primary school like that. And for the year1s, i thank you all for all the support and all your hard work and sweat and your pe shirts that i stole. lol. Our time has gone so its up to gavin and liang to win the title next year.

thansk tom, who are you! Anyway, Its God's will. Study hard boys, A levels up next.

2007-04-01T23:20:00.000+08:00

The next week is going to be important. Need to focus and train harder.

Anyway sports day was fun i have to say. The cheerdance section was the best la ah. 4*400m relay was exciting too. Ronghua and DeCruz fighting it out. But the thing that upsets me the most was that everyone was too engrossed in dancing that they forgot the most important part. The Victorian Anthem. Even sc was too busy dancing. Even the pictures in cosiety didnt even consist of one photo that captured the moment. And the houses didnt even bring out the school flag. Its rare when they all really come together and actually sing the victorian anthem. oh well it was a missed opportunity and i think i shouldnt make it a bigger issue than it is.

Anyway, school tmr and nationals the week after. Going to bring them hell

2007-03-29T21:08:00.000+08:00

Stupid nationals is postponed another week to 9th april. Its good in a sense that we'll be fitter because i know tan's going to whack us but the adrenaline is already pumping in my blood and i cant wait to kickstart the competition against HCI. Anyway down to small talk, i think im going to be growing fat after season ends because im not really losing weight even though im running kilometre after kilometre everyday. SO imagine if i didnt exercise how fat i'd be. I'll be some iqbal! And tomorrow's going to be the last SPA ever for me and i cant wait for that to end too.

We've come so far and trained so hard to let it end just like that. We're going to beat every single opponent out there and prove everyone why we're fucking champions. CBCB. All these other people just want to shave their heads but they think they gain 10% more skill and speed ah. You think what. Playing dota buy item ah. FUK YOU AH. CB ^^

2007-03-21T20:36:00.000+08:00

About 20km in 2 days. 2*4.8km and about 9.9km today. And i havent touched the ball properly yet! So can you imagine the amount of running we're putting in? Anyway the time has come for us to rise up to the ocassion and this ocassion is going to be a journey to the END. And that END is that night in national stadium. Its time we prove ourselves worthy to retain the Championship. Sure, people doubt us. But Im fucking sure, we'll make it there. 10 matches. 900mins.

We'll make the dream come true.

2007-03-17T13:34:00.000+08:00

4-0 Vj vs Vs. Those guys got to eat some humble pie finally and they were lucky we didnt put in a couple more past them. Anyway i had a pretty good game but i could have been sharper though. heh, but i had a cramp in the last minute so i guess i really have to get fitter. Today's old boys game was really terrible. God please help us!

2007-03-16T18:23:00.000+08:00

To and fro. To and fro. Fro and to. Monday. Wednesday. Thursday. Saturday and Sunday. Morning and Evening.

I really dont know whether to feel during this period. I am fucking burnt. I have been coughing phelgm out for 2 weeks and i cant swallow my saliva without feeling the stab in the back of my throat. Every step i take is a painful one. Nationals are coming in 2 weeks time. I really want to focus on the competition. I want to be the player that the rest can look up to. I really want to become better.

Out of 7 days, i train 6 days. Out of those 6 days, i train double sessions 2 days. I really push myself . I dont even have time to rest myself. I give the rest of my time to you. I cant do anything special but i just want to spend the rest of my time with you. I hope sundays still on. I really do.

2007-03-14T11:32:00.000+08:00

Time really does fly by. Its already March and its time to get ready for the nationals. 29march2007. The beginning of the end. Training in VJ really makes me feel as if i've been studying here for years and years. But somehow the months seems to tick by without me realising it. About 8 more months and i'll be sitting for my exams and in a years' time i'll be in army. Anyway other than the competition and my exams, life has been pretty good to me. Hah, maybe i've been eating too much this few days. And i need to thank everyone for a good birthday period. Whether belated or not, its really been nice (: Thanks to the boys , Zhao, kk, harry, jared, naroth, shiva and mr ronghua. Its been long since we last went out but that sunday was really a good day. Hah, and a special thank you to amanda (:

Oh, i just realised that the guys are quite prosperous in their relationships ah. All the best boys!

Pain is temporary

2007-01-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

Its new year and a time to start anew so i guess its apt that i start his blog all over again. Last year's been a rush and im sure this year will be an even more hectic year. Winning the nationals was the highlight of the year. Promos and every other thing that has happen really has made me grow in a way. I cant put a yardstick to it. But i cant wait for this year to fly by again. Soccer is going great BUT the team is not fit enough. Really not fit yet. Anyway i gtg see you guys soon

2006-11-07T09:15:00.000+08:00

And I'm, I'm over-joyed

And I'm, I'm over-loved

And I'm feeling lucky like a little boy

Who's hiding under cover

And looking to discover

Every way to play the part inside this darkened cave

The meaning of life, well it starts at the nightlight

Close your eyes and I hope you see mine

And I've, well I've seen a thousand things in one place

But I stopped my counting when I saw your face

Erasing memory, well I feel as though I've never seen a face before

Until I saw your eyes

And they're smiling back at me through my tears

I've been counting all these years,

Oh suddenly the thousand things I've seen were nothing more than dreams

Of you and me

You and me

Quietly at a standstill now

Fortunately you will, well you'll kiss me, I will

I will kiss you back

eh sorry for not updating. anyway i'll try to get my tagboard up again. have fun boys!

2006-09-11T22:18:00.000+08:00

PW, SPA, PROMOS, PAINT FIELD, STUDY. OH BOY.

Anyway im loving everyday more and more. haha, morphine, drug. Oh wells. Study hard boys, Zhao you take care, it will be all over soon and you can do it, i know you can (:

2006-09-05T00:30:00.000+08:00

Life is a rollarcoaster - Ronan Keating.

Shit, how true that song be. Compare songs like that to that of Paris Hilton - Stars Are Blind. Shes just plainly frolicking down the sand in my television screen. Total nonsense. "Gods are crazy, Stars are Blind" MIKE, YOU MAKE NO SENSE.

Wednesday really sounds likea good idea. So that would mean today and thursday and weekends are reserved for studying. Real Studying.

Monday. Come quick.

2006-09-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

BAD HABITS

1)I recently got back my nail-biting habit (BUT NOT EXCESSIVE, only when im nervous and when im deep into my books.)

2)When i get food stuck in between my teeth, i like to use my tongue to pry it out and then spit it out.

3)I like to fart and tell people that i fart.

4)Chilli kangkong, fried chicken, sambal chilli, peanut and ikan billis concoction make a nasty burp

5)Digging my nose and putting the noseshit under my computer table or below the bus seat or the handle (oops)

6)I like to crack my knuckles, back and neck and i can even crack my shoulder.

7)I always shout and hit my sofa with my pillow when arsenal plays like shit

8)I like to talk to myself about my troubles

9) BYEBYE (=

2006-08-30T19:13:00.000+08:00

Hello lonely

How you doin' today?

Hello sweet thing

Why don't you walk this way

2006-08-30T00:31:00.000+08:00

Stick to yourself and avoid getting involved in any team or group activities today

1)I spraint my ankle again. MMM i wondered if the horoscope thingeie is really true. BAH. nonsense. Anyway i have this overwhelming feeling right now. I cant quite put my finger to it.

2)Having responsibilities. I dont know what i can comment on it but its really really very heavy. And theres so much i need to improve on.

3)Sometimes you're just too insecure for you own good.

4)My hair is like wire mesh. Some people are just blessed with nice hair.

5)Dont you just feel disillusioned in class.

5.1) Sitting sorang right smack in the front while the rest all join tables behind you.

5.2) 1st thought : SORANG

5.3)2nd thought : SORANG

6)Shoot

7)A drowning man looks as if he's waving

2006-08-19T08:16:00.000+08:00

School has been great this week even though i was losing my energy levels from thursday onwards. Anyway training was a bad experience for me because it showed my utter lack of touch and my passing was horrible, it always lacked the pace. Oh well i better start playing more. I know i can do better. Oh im really damn scared for my PW. I've come to really understand the whole extent of the project not that i never knew it but i think i finally realise the importance of it. My mood has been up and up recently and i cant help not smiling to myself sometimes. Thank you mao (:

2006-08-14T23:16:00.000+08:00

GO YOUTUBE AND WATCH BIANCA RYAN. Shes only a girl and owns SG Idol.

2006-08-11T23:35:00.000+08:00

A couple of tears and I'm a broken mess
The sadness has taken me far too deep in regret
So sing me a song about something good
My heart's on the thrashing floor
And I've done every single thing I could
I use to believe in
Some kind of feelin'
That could change everything I thought I knew
But that door is closed and
My heart feels like it's frozen
If you hear me I can feel you

I'm losing hope

There's a hole in my heart

That's been cut out of stone

Cold comes cold goes

Could you fill this hole?

Cause I can't do it alone

2006-08-09T09:03:00.000+08:00

Hello. Its going to be a long holiday. About a week long. I hope i use it wisely to catch up both with my friends and my work (: meeting the sexy boys today for dinner! Anyway im really bad in physics and i need help. Especially in the force equilibrium chapter. Im getting more confident in my chem and i better start working on my math. Met ho wei kiang yesterday and he talked to me. he asked me a simple question and i couldnt answer it. i guess it kinda showed him where i was and he asked me "how focussed are you now. 50% or 60%?" Nehneh i really couldnt answer him. It left a niggling feeling in me. Anyway i found one of my long lost favourite bands - Theory of A Deadman. Its really not bad. Try 36 Crazy Fists please.

I have a hunch that some decisions that i make in the near future will be very important to me and my friends and i need to make the right one. anyway on another note i really have to like learn to take the shizzles that the soccer guys give me. just jokes, just jokes.

2006-07-29T08:14:00.000+08:00

Its been quite a while since i gave a post. I've been down with the flu for so long! Its really draining most of my energy. Thursday training was fun because we had a quite a number of people that came down but we were SO tired that we ended up being lazy after an hour of playing. haha. our fitness is SUSPECT. Oh well. We ended up having to water the field and i spent like 45min in the dark with the hose draping over my shoulder with water shooting out. the hockey girls were still playing and they wanted to look at the stars but MIKE, maybe got clouds ah. yup. Oh, my studying has been going well. finish the physics tys for about 4 chapters already! Now i have to go and ask my questions. But im really scared for math!. Its so difficult. Especially integration and trigo!

MMM. We're going thailand again this year for the sports trip. Time for SHOPPING! haha. $8 per adidas jersey. PROPER one somemore. And i want to get those braclets. AND ITS TIME TO PLAY SOME THAI. Those buggers over there damn bloody good. We have to be in tip top shape to face them.I think this year we'll be more prepared to face them because we'll have a bigger squad heading to thailand.We'll have the speedster redzuan and the white man justin and robot wuchean and mr brother roland. And its time for some of us to step up to replace our seniors.haha and its time to buy more birks. but must buy quality one. The last time i bought my fake birks, nehneh, spoil so fast.

Anyway i realised that i must go and fullspeed and study. Nehneh, even slackers like vanessa are studying like dog. Met my campgroup yesterday for swensons. We pratically glued our butts to the seats for close to THREE hours! Had fun i guess. After that i met up with mason queenlum(amanda!!!) and Mr. Rebel Ryan. We had fun but i guess i got a little disappointed. We ALL lost some of that wild innocence we had in VS. oh well.They wanted to watch a movie that there wasn't any movie worth watching so we headed home. Oh mason's 1.5month old puppy died! so sad! some infected lung thing. Reminds me of my old dog. Anyway sunday's the next match day for the LASERITES! lol. We better win those laojiao sji boys.

Made some new friends recently. Met the perfect lover. LOL. I talked to kenghua(sec1-sec2 classmate) my goodness we havent talked for 2years yet we could still talk like as if we knew each other well. We laughed at our years spent in kallang bahru, the home econs lessons and also the years we spent in siglap link. The nonsense things we did. For that one hour i almost practically couldnt stop talking! haha. I left my pw group at the corner of the room and went over to kenghua and amanda to talk. Anyway, i think VJ got alot of SMOOTH CRIMINALS if you guys get what i mean. nehneh. so many sly and smooth people. Anyway i better stop blogging now. before i reveal all the smooth criminals.

2006-07-22T00:20:00.000+08:00

watched pirates of the carribean. It was funny and i guess quite worth the money. Another week is going to fly by and i still havent sat down and thrashed things out. I havent settled so many things. Unchecked boxes, unanswered questions. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

2006-07-19T01:00:00.000+08:00

Sensitive, My friend. it kills to just see you from afar. And somehow the only words i dare to say to you are only made up of mere glances and my lips pain to open the slightest crack to make even the smallest of sounds to attract your precious attention. i wish i never knew you.

EMO FUK. FUK YOU

2006-07-19T00:35:00.000+08:00

I put your picture away,

Sat and cried today.

I cant look at you.

Vanity, not love was my folly.

Not emo, just some lyrics and some quote from a book that i've been reading recently.Been surviving on a day to day basics. friday, please come faster. I dont know whether i can wait for you.

2006-07-15T21:56:00.000+08:00

Well, a week has pass yet again. I felt that this week really fell heavily on my shoulders. I tried to make the best out of it by busying myself and i guess it worked to some extent. Anyway i noticed a blind old man who was holding a little girl in the hand. I guess he was leading her home. The girl was dressed in a cute green kindergarden uniform with 2 pigtails prancing behind her. Well the old man had a stick in his other hand to help him around. And i couldnt do anything to help, could i. The world spun around him so fast while he was in his own pitch-dark world of emptiness which no one else but him could experience and there he was fetching his granddaughter home from school, well i guess its really so sad that sympathy is not enough to compensate for the sight of an old blind man, bringing his innocent granddaughter home. Its a bittersweet notion.

Another incident was when i was on my way to get my ipod (shop was closed by then anyway) along the way to Wheellock. I saw this frail old malay lady, dressed in her crummy dirty kebaya, sitting on the floor and above her was a cloud of leaves sheltering her from the drizzle. The ground was moist because it rained before i stepped out of the mrt. She had this half-cut tin can which grooves cut into its side, placed inches in front of her. Again, people just merely brisked by with their eyes on the road ahead and the phone next to their ears. I glanced into her eyes and that scarce second was enough to tell a story. I doubt what i can ever conjure up with measly and whimsical words would be able to manifest what her eyes portrayed. And the irony of it was that i was on my way to buy my ipod.

And i hate it when i see cleaners eat. Not that i hate them. But my heart cringes when i see only a bowl of rice and vegetables and with their aprons and gloves resting on their tired thighs. I know there must be worst situations out there in africa and other countries devastated by war (Eg Israel and their longtime foes; today's papers), the natural disasters that have monsterised the lives of many children. How does it feel to lose a loved one, how does it to feel to look at your collapsed house and rummaging through whats left after the waves have pillaged their meagre possessions.

I know i must sound like im some unicef advertisement. Oh well. I better stop. Have a great weekend. I know you will.

2006-07-15T12:22:00.000+08:00

We can all begin freely-a slight preference is natural;

But they are very few of us who have heart enough

To be really in love without encouragement.

2006-07-12T20:43:00.000+08:00

Past few days really havent been good to me. My results really have come back as what i have expected them to be. Not that im glad with them but im really so afraid that there will not be enough time for me to catch up. The lectures are going so fast too, redoing my tutorials does not take very little time. In fact it takes a heck load of time to just finish one. I spent 4 hours today completing 5.1+5.2+5.3+6.1. And im still so far behind. I think even if i spend 4-5 hours a day on my work i dont think i can complete everything. I spend too much time being stuck on question. And the next hurdle is my chinese oral and listening. Well im not so afraid of listening but im so afraid of oral. I mean im not the most fluent in chinese and neither is my vocab good enough to pass a primary4 oral exam.

AND THE WORST THING IS THAT I CANT AFFORD TO FAIL.

The world seems to be going so fast that when i done with one issue, another one jumps right into my path. Imagine you're in a maze and every right turn that you seem to make, makes you even more lost.

Sometimes i just feel like forgetting about everything.

2006-07-12T01:10:00.000+08:00

Sigh its 123am now. I just finished editing a 182words portion into a 329words portion. I dont know how someone can just complete it in less than half an hour an expect quality. I mean at least put in more thought into it because you didnt even formulate your ideas securely around the requirements. I feel like it is going to be a very terrible PW maybe because you fail to fathom the scarcity of time. We have barely finished our GPP.

Aye and i wanted to get my EoM done but i cant even start on my EoM if my GPP is not even properly done. We still have enough time to do a good piece of work but if we dont fully utilize the time we have left, i doubt it will be possible. And not say my results of my other subjects are in tip-top shape. I still have to focus on them too right. My goodness. My friends in other JCs are doing well and so are my good friends in VJ too. And im really suffering right now. Even when i start on my work now, i have to refer to the answers and formulas. Shoot me please.

i really dont know what i feel now. I cant keep lying to myself. I cant just feed off memories and thoughts. Sometimes angst engulfs because i feel left out in the dark , just like a pilot who is flying blindly without radio-contact or any navigation.

2006-07-09T01:36:00.000+08:00

2006-07-07T19:31:00.000+08:00

I lost my file containing some important things. I lost my mid year chem paper along with the answer sheet, my dynamics notes, my practical worksheet and the WORST THING is that i dont know what else that i lost! And i lost my pencil box too. The most sickening feeling is that i dont know what i lost and i dont know what to photocopy. Sigh. And you know how i lost it! I went to toilet to take a leak and i was so relieved that i somehow forgot to take my stuff with me. Who the heck would want to steal my notes with my ugly handwriting and ugly pencil box!

Anyway we got a reprimand from tan today for our more than horrible results. Aye, expectations expectations. I really have to fulfill the expectations,dont i. I really have to start on my balancing act with my studies and soccer taking up most of my time and i still have to put in my other issues that are also important in my life. That seems pretty impossible but like they say, if theres a will, theres always a way. Anyway i guess i will have to find a way to get my results tipping the other tip of the iceberg

2006-07-05T19:25:00.000+08:00

SHIT. I dont know why i cant resize mr kk's handsome face and compare it to mr superman's face! anyway if you want a preview, please go to !!! Oh well we finally finished painting the field today and it was so hot but i was super efficient with the brush but the paint was too diluted but oh well we managed to paint nice thick white lines! Then Me and robot went for a 4.5km run and honestly im too embarassed to say how long we took to run the 4.5km. Anyway KK's event is tomorrow so all the best and i hope your ankle is fine now.

Anyway the latest update on my results is CHEMISTRY-42/100. Well at least i managed to almost get an E! Math and Econs coming up tomorrow but im prety sure of my results for those 2 already. OH WELL.

It was nice talking to you.

2006-07-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

MY DOG IS SO CUTE. I was doing my work and she was sleeping beside me and it was well past her bed time so i had to carry her back to the backyard and she went straight to her kennel to sleep! SO CUTE. She kiss me goodnight somemore. Anyway goodnight guys and GO GERMANY!

2006-07-04T19:55:00.000+08:00

Training was cleaning up the storeroom and painting the field. The field was so small! we had to extend it by like 4-5metres before it was like somewhat symmetrical with the other half. Anyway first day of school was expected. Lethargic and i found it hard to stay awake during lectures. i think i have to start on my coffee latte if not i'l consperm fall asleep. Anyway I have 2 new teachers. One for econs and one for chem practical. Well their names are Mr Loke and Mr Lin respectively. I really didnt give them a good first impression but i think they think of me as trouble but i guess thats good so i can shock them with my excellent attitude (: Anyway here are the pictures of the day. Please click on the handphone picture and you will know who is the SEXMAN. I'll leave some pictures for tomorrow. But the programme for tomorrow says its MR KK AKA SUPERMAN on scarlethybrids.com! DONT MISS THE TIMING!

Anyway i promised myself that i'll continue working hard so off i go to do my phy assignment and my chem practical that i have to hand in tomorrow! bye!

Give me a reason

2006-07-03T20:08:00.000+08:00

Went to town today to catch the show Superman. It was really a boring show that barely managed to capture my attention and i spent most the time cracking jokes with mak. He was really talking so loud la, i bet the couple in front was irritated by us. And i spent some time throwing popcorn seeds at nair! Anyway it was nice to meet you guys the day before school finally starts. Anyway more about Superman - the guys are really handsome and Superman complexion is so good that it looks like it has been through some computer generation and KATE BOSWORTH is really pretty too!

And on the way back there was a HOT girl on the train. WOW. Short white shorts, a grey pullover and great legs!haha. BUT she looks like a naughty girl. OH WELL. Anyway i borrowed some books from th library and i promise i'll read them and return them before churning up a fine of $6 that wiped out my ez-card money.I wanted to borrow the book "Pride and Prejudice" and "The Chronicles Of Narnia" but i just could find them in the library. I really feel like just buying them but i know my parents will scold me. But its so irritating because i've been to the library so many times and the only books available are at ang mo kio library. MIKE, i wont waste my time going all the way there. Its really time i expand my horizons of the Book World.

Anyway sometimes i still wonder
But i guess its better than wandering

2006-07-02T22:50:00.000+08:00

Objectify the one thing

that I wanted more than you

And I look into your eyes

Sitting here as you walk through the door

The sex that I see

It binds my heart, it blinds my eyes

so I give in. I don't want this anymore

I've brought you into my,

I've brought you here

You're in my circular parade of failure,

of failure.

This song is really something. I tell you, guys are sometimes just animals, literally. Anyway back to my day. Well syen and gabriel stayed over at my house to watch the England vs Portugal game. STUPID GAME. Beckham was back at his nonsense. Always falling down, looking for a freekick and then he just runs after the fella and fouls him. But Own hargeaves really had a excellent game. He really must have some pair of enormous lungs to cover so much ground. Well after being sorely disappointed by England, we decided to strain our eyes to watch the other quarter-finals between France and Brazil. Oh, it was really a much better game. Zidane was dancing like a ballerina through the field and Vieira was a monster. To me, Vieira was the man-of-the-match and not Zidance. He was everywhere! He was taking Kaka and that wizard Ronaldinho out of the game almost single-handedly with help from makelele too of course. Anyway i woke up at 6 and then headed down to meet uncle morgan and then played soccer till 9 and i went for CELL. My first CELL in ages. It's a nice feeling to be in a cell again.

2006-07-01T14:03:00.000+08:00

You got a fast car

I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we make a deal

Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better

Starting from zero got nothing to lose

Maybe we'll make something

Me myself I got nothing to prove

-Tracy chapman; fast cars

Zhao send me that song long time ago when we first met i think. Way back in sec3. We met in lower sec but we only met because we were seeing who was stronger by playing arm wrestling! HAHA i THINK i won. Anyway his blog got so many anonymous people! MR SEX SIREN is attracting all the chicks over town to his comfy little blog ah! Anyway exams are over. I guess its time to start all over again. Maybe i can get on the right track again. no detours, no small lanes. Just the safe road that leads me straight up that hill.

2006-06-29T21:06:00.000+08:00

I wanted to blog about a couple of things for past 2 days but i just couldnt find the inspiration and words to put what i feel into a sentence. Maybe what i've been going through is just too hard to simplify with words that are just wanton and fickle and doing so would be injustice to it while to some it might even be some sort of self-pity or even to the extent of exaggeration.

Anyway the exams have been a spirit-breaker. My motivation and drive to study was slaughtered and murdered. Maybe i didnt put enough effort into it in the first place but now i really doubt my intelligence. Maybe i would be better off somewhere else where maybe i would have gotten a different experience and culture. But i really dont regret that i've come to VJ because i have indeed gained a couple of learning points but i also have lost my spirit and my character. The will to have fun and the will to strive forward, i dont know where it went to. Did it hide behind the door when i came or did i lose it along the way. My studies, my friends. I've let both down. I havent even put in effort to befriend my nice class. They're honestly nice bunch but i didnt give them a chance and its quite late to just slot right back in. i thought i could survive. I'm really held in a tight corner with my studies and soccer. If you know what being a soccer player is in VJ, studies is very important and its takes a hell lot to balance both.

The only thing im glad about is that i managed to catch with my old gang. Zhao and crew. Without them, i would have been all alone during the hols and the cynism that lives in me would have burrowed right into the marrow of my bones and eaten my heart alive leaving screaming on the inside. I spent almost everyday that i was singapore with them. Hell, it was supreme fun, almost as golden as the days back in vs.

How can we be friends if this continues.
Dont you want at least a friendship.

2006-06-25T23:30:00.000+08:00

Lie to me

Give me something worth living for

Tell me a reason worth dying for

Give me anything

Anything to keep me breathing

Lie to me

Tell me stories so beautiful

An epic, or something so terrible

That it makes me weep

ITS NOT THAT IM EMO. But i just found a band that i used to listen alot to! School starts tomorrow. Please let my exams be good and make it past fast please.

2006-06-24T09:15:00.000+08:00

HELLO and BYE. i need to go off to play soccer.

What happen? Alcohol is a good depressant. Helps you relax.

Please, even the slightest thing would do

2006-06-23T00:41:00.000+08:00

i did 2 math papers, 2 chapters of physics and WON $12.75. i feel pretty happy but nevermind, i wont drag on my miseries. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for me. im really tired. been sighing so often. maybe its a cocktail of exhaustion and burden. you know, just please let the hands turn backwards while everything slows down.

2006-06-22T00:17:00.000+08:00

You're beautiful, You're beautiful,
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do
Cause I'll never be with you.

I wanted to blog about this when i came back but i kinda forgot but when i walked back home along the narrow path, the sky was dark (duh its was 1036pm) The stars were hidden behind those ominous clouds that outlined the sky. When i was on the plane back home, i was above the clouds and i could really see plenty of stars right out of my Window.The kind of feeling that its as if you can just pluck one star from right outside your window (maybe i could have given one to you).I kept staring out of the Window, looking at the stars that litted up the black night. i could see my faint reflection of my eyes in that Window. It was beautiful (: And after a while my eyes gently closed, still imagining the twinkles right outside my Window.Tracing it on my Window with my mind. Somehow it looked familiar, like i had seen it before..

Well the stars went back into hiding when i woke up. But i was still above the clouds and i could see the horizon. It was drawn in an orangey-hue that fitted perfectly into the baby-blue sky that painted my Window.

please.

2006-06-21T15:38:00.000+08:00

theres a hockey game on tv now! I admit, its really hard to play hockey and its really exciting especially when its the guys match. THEY HAVE MUSCULAR ARMS and THEY MOVE THE BALL FAST. MAybe the only thing that is different is that in soccer you can really counter much faster but i gues thats because running with the small puny ball is pretty hard and hard to get in full stride unless you push and run. OH WELL. Anyway india is owning south korea. They really much more skillful and you really can tell the difference between india and korea. india solid la sial. anyway the match is postponed i think because theres a downpour. yeah hockeys an exciting. i understand.

2006-06-19T20:30:00.000+08:00

haha i spent the whole day sleepin! anyway i went for a jog in the evening and i totally was exhausted! haha i planning to jog at least 30min every day to get rid of the fats! alright i go off now! WORLD CUP! Oh i updated pictures. go see!

2006-06-19T11:35:00.000+08:00

Mr khoo. faster meet me i've got something for you! Anyway im back from the lands of mother russia. It was really quite nice over there. BUt as the days got on i got bored of all the cathedrals, churches and old buildings. but we had some folklore thing which was really very fun! They really could dance and sing like some dogs la. Well i managed to catch some world cup over there too. the matches were timed just nicely so that when i got back to the hotel they would be playing. WAIT i need to shit now. i come back to blog later.

KK im done. i dont know why but i've been shitting like everyday once or twice. thats suppose to be good right.anyyway THE GIRLS IN RUSSIA ARE SO HOT/SEXY/PRETTY/SHAPELY!!!! haha but honestly they are pretty (most la) Alright enough about that. err to tell you the truth its only good to go there once not like countries like bangkok. And if you think its really cheap over there because its "communist" well you're WRONG dogg.Its not dirt cheap over there and its just like any other european country. Anyway St Petersburg is a much lovlier place to be in than moscow. EH I GOT PROBLEM WITH MY PICTURES. how to use photobucket and put a link on my blog? anyway thanks guys for the advice. i hope it gets better (: it should (: haha im lucky i know but i dont know about her! alright jocce if you want to go out with me you got to msg me! my number is 92995140 haha i think i forgot to give you my new number too. hello mel! nice hearing from you. im doing fine i guess. i hope the weathers nice over there. winter is it? keep warm(snuggle up with someone la) hah yeah mich i added you too! see you in school soon. (STUDY..) KK i got to go now! bye.

2006-06-08T07:33:00.000+08:00

If you call me today

I'll say that I'm fine

But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice

It's just a lie

You knew what you had

You still walked away leaving me in this mess

My love for you is deep and meaningless

hey guys. im going to leave tomorrow. i was heading home from the library yesterday and i was thinking about how different i was from my past. i guess im really quite different. im a ghost/shell of my past. haha i know this sounds like some bullshit because im only 17 but somethings not what it used to be. i really feel so void of something. Dont shoot me if i say that im really missing God. I really havent been the God-fearing kid anymore. I used to be that kind of kid and somehow i quite miss being that boy. Right now, i really havent been attending service regularly and i havent gone for cell since (i dont know when!) I dont know whether the state of what i am now or the feelings that i have now has anything to do with my distancing away from God. I really dont know. I know this is going to provoke a few tags but i just hope that you all dont come flying in with answers and advice(well-meant). I just needed to list and note some things down on my blog. Maybe i should keep a personal blog or journal.

Another issue thats really bugging me is that girl that i've known since the beginning of this year. honestly, i dont know i stand in our friendship. Of course im looking for some degree of closeness but im not a monster trying to gobble up all your time. At first i thought it was going on really fine and dainty, but slowly as our seasons knocked on the door, there was this prolonged period of silence. I dont know whether she feels it but i sure do. firstly, to start on a clean slate, we're not together(never was) just to inform all the buggers out there. ARGH, its complicated and you people dont understand. i cant just walk up to her and say "whats wrong?" SCULLY shes just busy or that her phone was spoilt and i blow it all up. But it cant possibly be that she doesnt reply me for 24hours and still counting. Maybe i should just call her but i dont want to intrude either.

Let concealment, like a worm i'th'bud

Feed on her damask cheek. She pined in

though,

And with a green and yellow melancholy

She sat like Patience on a monument

Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed?

EMO EMO EMO. lol. Somehow i still remember some quotes from twelfth night. I have to go now. i'll come back at night to give one final entry

2006-05-29T21:09:00.000+08:00

Hello. Today was really a rollarcoaster ride for me. My goodness. Something got to me during the day and i totally lost it and after a couple of hours on my bed and managed to pick myself up. Anyway i headed to esplanade to get something done and then bussed down to taka to get some stuff from artfriend. I seriously burnt a humonguous hole in my wallet which will take me a couple of weeks to save back my money. Then i wanted to head down to bugis to buy shoes but i guess the thought of a few more hours along scared me. I headed back home to watch some xmen 1 and 2 on dvd and practically lazed around the whole evening. I wish i had more people to go out with. Zhao and Shaun gang booked tickets to watch xmen3 but i watched it already anyway.Well my dog went for a operation for sterilisation. She came back all sleepy and tired. So cute. I bet like shes wondering what the heck we do to her. anyway shes so cute. Alright time for me to go. i've got stuff to settle

2006-05-29T00:38:00.000+08:00

Well i woke up early to play soccer with mason and the guys. Had quite a bit of fun but i got really tired and lazy. I think yesterday street soccer really killed me. The sun was terribly hot and we played too long in the sun. Anyway todays outing with khooky and the guys was really pleasant to say the least. It was a good time of chatting and talking about all the P-hunting that is going on among the guys. Super hilarious listening to roderick's encounters with SEET and the stories of jordon shouting back at his teacher calling him spastic and about alex. my goodness, its been too long since i've spent time with them. Time never seems to be enough when im with them. OH well. We had crystal jade for dinner and obviously it was not enough for hungry dogs so we had to go to carls junior for some burgers and we had ben and jerrys. Khoo and the rest left leaving me and zhao and MR KK so we left for starbucks and had a nice chat till about 1120 i think. We had so many stories and experiences to share and talking about the past was simply wonderful. Anyway my plans for tomorrow are pretty simple. head to town to buy some stuff and maybe bus down to peninsula to buy some shoes and maybe even bugis. Now i need to find a mate to follow me. Will some beautiful/kind soul accompany this poor fella around? i guess not. But i have to get things done, dont i?

OH carls junior is expensive. my goodness, 10quid for a combo. I might as well buy a 12-inch subway coupled with twin cookies and a drink. But the burger sure downs taste different from BK or KFC or Macs. Anyway sometimes i really want to give up. K enough. i hope i continue to update regularly ^^

2006-05-27T23:04:00.000+08:00

WELL. These 2 fellas dont need much introduction. Just Kermit trying to prick a rabbit from the ass. click on the picture for some ACTION ^^

This Mr Ryan aka MR FHM/GAYPORN

THIS IS KUMKAY looking so fine ^^ haha the good old days

2006-05-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!!!!
haha it was an amazing evening of football. Drama, emotions and suspense filled the stadium and the supporters. What more can i say to describe an event like that friday. It was a miraculous comeback to say the least and it was definitely by God's grace that we managed to crawl our way back to wrestle the trophy out of MJ's gripping fingers.Anyway its end of the season. I hope i can find more things to do and of course, i hope i find back the motivation to study for my mid-years and my PROMOS which no doubt is one of my top worries now. BUT its not the time to hit the books yet, PLEASE its barely 2 days into our holidays so give me a break ^^ I got a four day leaders camp at NTU (of all places), after that im heading to Moscow from the 9th to the 18th for an adventure into eastern europe and THEN im home to WATCH THE WORLD CUP. Its going to be one heck of a hectic holidays and i still have to fit in ACADEMICS into my schedule. Tomorrow outing with khoo and gang!! I hope its going to be a fun-filled day and maybe it will be even better ( sneaky sneaky ) Oh im finally joining mason and QUEEN LUM for sunday soccer. Its been a long time since i've been regularly playing with them. Kinda miss them and the nice nice yummy mee pok that we have after playing. Well thats my supposedly plan for tomorrow. OH GREAT SINGAPORE SALE. I cant wait for the killer deals. i honestly need to get nice shoes (PLURAL) and a few tops and a TEAM BAG. WHEN IS THE TEAM BAG COMING! HAHAHA NO MORE TRAINING. it felt so weird waking up on saturday morning, my dog jumped on my bed and cuddled beside me. I always headed to school for training. And when i go to school, i dont bring my PE kit( and EXTRA underwear too ^^) It feels queer as if i forgot to bring something. OH WELL. I better enjoy this break and then come back feeling all pumped up for soccer. KK time for me to head off. i'll update soon (:

2006-05-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'm breathing in your skin tonight
Quiet is my loudest cry
Wouldn't wanna wake the eyes, that make me melt inside
And if it's healthier to leave you be,
May a sickness come and set me free
Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for me

2006-05-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

Finally we are past the group stage. The next obstacle would be the semis and God-willing we'll win the finals. All these months, i've been slogging my ass off during training and so has every single soul in my team. It has to be worth it and we cant lose the finals because i swear that i'll break down and cry and i cant bear to see the title slip from our coarse hands once again. 2 more matches. I cant wait for it to be ALL OVER. and then studies but that would be another story to tell for another sad day.

time with you is so hard to come by, i dont know what to make of it.

2006-04-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

You make me

2006-04-02T19:05:00.000+08:00

Man, according to Hollywood is either completely good, or bad. His personality is static, rarely showing any development either in growth or in regression. The villian is a black-eyed sinner who can do no good and who cannot be saved, while the hero is a glamourous being, who can do no wrong of his own volition, and who is always rewarded. Missing is a realistic concept of wthe human personality, a complex being who can love and hate who has the human frailties and virtues.

All amusement suffers from this incurable malady. Pleasure hardens into boredom because, if it is to remain pleasure, it must not demand any effort and therefore moves rigorously in the worn grooves of association. No independent thinking must be expected from the audience: the product prescribes every reaction...Any logical connection calling for mental effort is painstakingly avoided.

HAHA. I think the most recent movie that rebels against this pair of criticism is V for Vendetta. I picked this quotes from a book from the esplanade library because i went there to do some work and research on my PROJECT IDEA! Anyway this book is hard to understand.

2006-03-26T20:25:00.000+08:00

Hello! my goodness i just heard ruth lost a phone on her birthday. that sucks. that happen to me when on my 15 birthday but i lost my wallet and along with it 100quid. but a phones worst i think. i spraint my ankle and im out for a week! shit i hope i get well in time for the first match. if i push myself i know i can do it. but i dont know whether its worth it. anyway schools going on fine, work it piling up SLOWLY so its manageable i think. anyway i gtg bye!

2006-03-13T20:10:00.000+08:00

2006-03-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

Guess its time for me to update my lost bloc for now. Anyway LOST2 is coming out soon! i cant wait. i think its really very interesting to find out what happen to the survivors in the end. Life has been a bit methodical for me. Practically the same thing everyday but once in a while things do liven up. Met cassidy, hweeyi and anna in town this saturday, stupid ronghua earned a million pangseh points. He go the st nicks fun fair and forgot to join us for lunch. Anyway i was practically re-living the times that i spent in vs with cassidy(hweeyi and anna too). Guess vj life cant replace the fun i had in vs. But i do agree that coming to vj has opened me up to realise the variety of characters there are in the world, good or bad for that matter. Second intake really has jumbled my class up. My usual clique of hweeyi, puss and anna has been broken up. talk about the 4 musketeers being torn apart. Now only left me and anna. The new intakes are not that friendly. I mean they consider themselves the 'cool' crowd. oh wells. Oh the seasons drawing near finally. as far as i can tell you, im really not there yet to play in the first team. Confidence level also not high. Trainings going to be tough during the 1 week break and i intend to push myself over the limit.

Anyway, i remember the days where we had doubles for table tennis in class using the back of our calculaters as bats and the teacher's table as a board. The soccer in class. The falling window panes smashing into the floor 7 storeys down. The fun in the gym, the fights in the toilet (playful fights mind you) and the jokes we shared about people. The teasing and the pranks. Somehow they seem pretty far away from me now. Sometimes i wish im still close to my friends. Being lost isn't a good feeling. the feeling when you stand in the middle of the canteen looking for a friendly face but you fail to see one. Looking for that someone to come up to you and smile sheepishly at you and come over to tell you how her day was and ask whether your day was riding low or high. Everyone seems to have found a place to snuggle in the school. their cliques to gather to. Im just trying to hop from cloud to cloud praying that i dont fall through. Maybe you just dont notice but i do need some reciprocation and some self-initiation from you because i do feel tired at times. RARH. i hope no one reads this. anyway i better stop before i reveal my inner thoughts and prayers.

2006-03-07T12:20:00.000+08:00

The strands in your eyes

That color them wonderful

Stop me and steal my breath

Emeralds from mountains

Thrust towards the sky

Never revealing their depth

Tell me that we belong together

Dress it up with the trappings of love

I'll be captivated,

I'll hang from your lips

Instead of the gallows

Of heartache that hang from above

I've dropped out

Burned up

Fought my way back from the dead

Tuned in

Turned on

Remembered the things you said

2006-01-24T21:36:00.000+08:00

I carry your heart with me.

( I carry it in my heart )

I am never without it.

( Anywhere I go you go, my Dear ;and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my Darling )

I fear no fate.

( For you are my Fate, my Sweet )

I want no world.

( For Beautiful, you are my World, my True )

And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

And whatever a sun will always sing, is you.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows.

( Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called Life ; Which grows higher than the soul can hope, or the mind can hide )

And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

I carry your heart

( I carry it in my heart )

2006-01-16T21:26:00.000+08:00

I WALKED THE WHOLE OF BEDOK TO FIND SOMETHING AND I CANT. IT CAN ONLY BE FOUND AT SHOPS LIKE ARTFRIEND... I TRAIN EVERYDAY HOW TO GO TAKA AND GET IT.

2006-01-15T08:18:00.000+08:00

MONITOR LIZARDS ARE UGLY AND SNEAKY. I couldn't find a uglier picture of this hideous creature but here . I just watched national geographic channel and this little sneaky shit destroyed the whole nest of some croc's nest! Anyway, training this week has been very uncomfortable. We ended so early on thursday and friday. so EARLY such that i felt so queer not training. Oh i got my new running shoes finally. Stupid old shoes cant even do a proper job because its a stupid racer and its cushion all jialat already.

20mins40seconds for my 4.8km! I'm improving everytime i do a 4.8km run. But i need to hit like 20min flat or hopefully a sub20min then i'll feel even more accomplished. Hmm, tutorials have been pretty hard to complete especially chemistry which i have totally lost my flair for it. I havent had my math and econs tutorials yet. ANYWAY, time for me to eat my breakfast now (:

2006-01-10T08:26:00.000+08:00

happy hari raya haji to all muslims. Anyway theres no training today and i feel so much better no more aches and no more sore calves. But i did get one weird dream. I was flying a kite with someone and we were having fun but then decided to sit down and have some food that i brought. it was a fine day and we were talking but she was hungry so i went to get some chicken rice. when i was heading back, it started raining heavily. I ran back to her, jumping over stones and skipping over roots of the trees that suddenly looked menancing. But when i reached back to the place she was gone. and i asked one of the bystanders near the park, he said she ran towards the bus stop. so i took off at full speed. haha, i know this sounds stupid but anyway i ran after her holding the packet of chicken rice trying to shield it from the rain that fell so heavily on my skin, soaking my skin. i headed towards the direction the guy pointed but soon after i found myself at a open space where i couldnt even see any bus stop. I ran back thinking that i made a wrong turn but i found myself again running in maze of rows of house. haha then i woke up. what a dream what a girl! haha

2005-12-23T21:42:00.000+08:00

Its 0943pm now. i have no idea of what to do. Home Alone 3 just finished on tv. This morning i woke up and decided to head to vj to run. 4.8km in 22mins and i didnt feel that tired. Not bad. At least im improving but i need to push myself to hit the 20min mark. Wanted to do some strenghtening exercises but i decided to just bathe and then head off. Thankfully i met babat and he followed me to town. i reached town at about 1132am. Had lunch at long john and then headed to Taka to go to Art Friend to get some wrapping paper. Sat down at taka's coffee bean to start wrapping. then he had to leave for prayers so i went to the library to read a book by Ruth Rendell. If im correct he came back at 0157pm after his prayers. We went to get him some shoes and ended up getting a pair of puma street soccer shoes. Pretty neat and looked quite nice in fact. We saw this vj girl, tennis. Anyway, went to PS soon after to get something done. And guess what i saw the same vj girl there(HAWT). babat left me after we settled some stuff and then he went to join his friend at far east. I decided to just do some window shopping(pointless walking about). ColdWear, Samuel & Kelvin, Giodarno, World of Sports, Marks & Spencers, Esprit, Times bookshop and the few gift shops that they have there. In the end, the only thing i bought was preserved sour plums for my grandparents from the supermarket. Reached home about 0530pm or 0540pm.

My grandparents are sort of arguing now. My grandma is jealous that my grandpa treats the maid better than he treats her. And the maid wants to go back home. My father says its best we let her go so that it'd be better for my grandma. My parents will be going to Hamburg for the whole of January. My sister will be in hostel and my brother would be clearing out his last few months in army. I'll be in my new jc. Tides of changes. Friends going to different JCs and the hassle of settling in.Training everyday, trying to cope with my studies. Its going to be a daily battle.

Somehow old feelings die hard. Try to drown them and they somehow resurface at the wrong times. Oh, im going to keep my hair. But its going to take sometime i guess. Random entry.

2005-12-22T22:12:00.000+08:00

It seems you're feeling down

You don't know how long

But you know you don't like it

Lost in your room

It seems you're feeling tired

You don't know what from

One too many parties

Makeup hides the wounds

2005-12-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

hello boys, im back from bangkok. the most polluted city that i have been too. but it was a good experience, an eye-opener to say the least. the thais are really good. sound technique, speed, stamina and strenght. Thats about all you need. Their skills good sial. Its not the kind that will leave you jumping but its the simple but super effective. They really ran us ragged. anyway im suppose to write an essay. concerning the trip. Err, i think i better go now. tmr double session so i'll need the sleep

2005-12-04T23:21:00.000+08:00

2005-12-04T21:16:00.000+08:00

london was cold but the wind was the killer. It was biting into your face, trying to get into your pants. My lips cracked. Anyway, i didnt do much sight-seeing. I had to follow my mom to shop here and there. 15 hour flight, fabulous food, comfortable seats and better headphones (: The movies were not bad. i loved skeleton key and little manhattan and the 40-year-old virgin though. Skeleton key had a wonderful plot and it really was quite freaky and raised goosebumps here and there. Little manhattan was really really good. Perhaps to me only, but it really was quite funny though it wasnt really meant to be a comedy. Anyway, im off to bangkok tomorrow and we'll be training at the national stadium. I'll never get to do it ever again so im going to relish every inch of the grass. I cant wait to shop too. Get some presents here and there. got so much to buy so much to do. Okay, i better go and pack my bags. Bye darlings. catch up with you all when i get back. 10th dec! hello trili, nice to see you. we should really go catch a movie together. i bet you have got a lot to tell me.

2005-11-25T11:35:00.000+08:00

Place of Unity is a place of Power

2005-11-23T20:20:00.000+08:00

i love my sister!!!( thats written by my sister by the way)

anyway, training has been okay. The only exhausting thing is the intervals and 4.8km runs. i cant keep up with the pace. but kudos to hazreen and redzuan sial, they seriously fit. The whole vj team is monster. They are either super fit or fast or strong. And keefe's basics super good. Its going to be hard to break the first team and if i want to do it i have to really lose some weight and get my stamina back.

Oh i had lunch with the guys after the wasteful time we spent in school listening to subra. it was pretty nice time, havent seen them in a while. thanks ruth.

BUSY BUSY BUSY. byebye. have fun guys.

2005-11-14T11:09:00.000+08:00

HAHAH.
I came school with a bad bad stomachache. My backside wanted to explode. So i ran to the staff toilet. Lucky me, it was open. Anyway, i sat down for 4 seconds and i was done. The burden was out. MY GOODNESS!! My shit look like chocolate pudding la. Super sick. Somemore it landed on toilet paper so it looked like pudding served on a white platter. Too bad my phone camera spoil not i could share with you the amazing sight. Anyway, after that i went back to the canteen to go back to my quotes.

"We men may say more, swear more. But indeed our shows are more than will; for still we prove much in our vows but little in our love."

How true. Anyway back to the exam. It was really okay. It was a question that we have done before so it was merely just trying to repeat what i have done. But the passage-base was hard because it was difficult trying to elaborate why it was funny and comical. My hand did hurt from all that writing. So pain.

I could be your sea of sand
I could be your warmth of desire
I could be your prayer of hope
I could be your gift to everyday
I could be your tide of heaven
I could be a hint of what's to come
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

4 more days.

2005-11-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me.

The song is so lovely. Anyway im still counting down. 9 more days till the end. Oh, stress makes you eat alot, and i really do mean ALOT. Time to sleep and whack those books tomorrow (hopefully) Goodnight dear world.

2005-11-07T19:31:00.000+08:00

YAWN. Nothing i studied my heart out for came out for the O'level SS paper. So disappointing, but thank God that despite the weird questions that i didnt expect, question1 was easy and i could remember the factors clearly though i couldnt remember the facts number for number. So i guess i'll do pretty well for ss. Oh, emath was on the easy side, but i got tricked/conned/manipulated by the question. 100% actually means 2X. And that results to losing 2 marks. And that results to a lower probability of me getting an A1.Anyway, its only 10 more days to end of Olevels and i thankd God mightily for that. And i really need a kick to push me ot study. I have been guilty of slacking this few days.

2005-11-03T23:18:00.000+08:00

Time is really passing so slowly. 18 november, the date of departure. Depart from VS and enter a whole new institution and start afresh and get my scholarship. I really hope i do well. Its really scary to not know whether your efforts will reap results. Nerve-racking. Anyway, decided to stay back in megalife to help VS cell out. Thats certainly one important issue that i've finally settled.

Oh, Source Based Question are really interesting. The only question i hate is the testing assertion question. Lame la. Have splurt everything out again. But one think i must achieve is to hav a good time management. I've finished 2 chapters of SS. Singapore's health/education/population. Going to finish up industrialisation(sec3) and merger. And i guess that wraps up my preparation for ss. But i'll definitely refresh my memory on sat and sunday. OH, one subject im afraid of is certainly emath and physics. I havent really be studying physics and im so darn careless in emath.

Michael buble - Home. what a lovely song. Hah, i failed to stay away from dota. but im trying desperately to still study (: and im doing pretty fine i guess.

Love everlasting till everlasting. Does not seek revenge, is patient, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.

2005-10-19T08:00:00.000+08:00

Virtual Insanity.

Hah, i have decided to drop dota. Last night my father nag at me till he was worst than my grandma. So i dared him to bet with me that i wont touch dota not till after O's. HAH, i he didnt dare. But yeah besides the point that he didnt dare to bet, guess its time for me to stop anyway. ARGH. i want to practise some physics papers but the problem is that i dont ahve enough papers. Amath 2000-2004 papers i finished once and im starting on my 2nd time now. But honestly i really need to work on my emath. Chem is boring the shit out of me. Same questions all over again, but nanyang and acs(i) had some pretty unique questions. HUMANS. HOWHOWHOWHOW. Anyway, im seriously isolated sials. i can study alone for days. But it gets to me somehow. I just dont know who to ask to study with me and does that i ask, either go tuition or stay home sleep (sian) LOL. But clements quite a good company but i study with him after about 4 hours dont feel like studying already. That cannot do.RODERICK, idiot studying at novena. Not too sure about hansem zhao and tall harry. Peter Cetera- For The Glory Of Love. WOW. Its quite a nice song. Fairy tale sial.

K time to head for khoo's lesson now. VJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJVJV

2005-10-12T20:17:00.000+08:00

Paint my love.
Micheal Learns to Rock

This has been a bad day.

Issues that border my tiny life in this huge world bother me. Oppressing to say the least. You just want to sit down and let it down through that outlet that you cant seem to find. Cumulative, critical problems. i cannot reveal too much. there are spies around. bye.

2005-10-11T20:47:00.000+08:00

3 more days to the end of my stay in victoria school. All the ups and downs. All the laughs and jokes that we played on others. All the jacking, twisting of nipples, stripping and "vs slangs". All the phrases that we came out with. The Cross Country finals and National Track and Field competitions held at national stadium. The amazing cheers in the rain and sun. The Spelling Cheer. The VS Boleh cheer. The drums, whistles,pails and water bottles. The taunting of other schools, even JCs. Teasing of the npcc boys at the cross country finals( i still can remember that boy's name "moses" ). The girls running past us and pravin will be shouting "I see you baby, i see you". Along with these are many more memories that are etched in my heart for years to come. I never knew i could feel so attached to an organisation. BUT its not an organisation, its not a school, its my home where i have grown up into what i am today and where i made friends that have lasted me through the battles of trouble. It pains me to walk out of vs knowing that i didnt leave behind a impact on other people's lives. We owe this school more than what we have given. This home was made special and unique not only because of my friends but also my teachers who have somehow inserted an imprint into my life. They are not only friends too but also my models. They eased me into VS and made me understand what it meant to be a victorian. "Hard work, determination,zeal and the drive to be the best", "you reap what you sow", " its best to know that you dont know, then not know that you dont know". I remember the mistakes that i made but i managed to learn from them. I remember the heartaches but i got along with life. I remember the troubles that i faced and i managed to overcome them.

Soccer has played a huge part of life in victoria school. The lessons i've learnt, the character it instilled in me and how can i forget Mr leo. He was who drove me to achieve as much as i can and he gave me much joy in my 2 years that i've spent being trained under him. His history lessons were enjoyable, laughable and valuable. I can never forget his jokes and his lighted-hearted character that made our exhausting trainings all the more worthwhile. The friends that i've made in soccer. My goodness. We might have drifted a bit, but the times spent together have also been valuable. Coming from a cheena primary school (TNS), i never knew a malay, and less, be a good friend to one. But in soccer i've made muslims friends that changed my opinion. Najid my captain, redzuan, hazreen, famy, khyrul, fauzy, hakeem, briam and even hameedu. Training with them really has been my pleasure. hah, mr wong too. He some joker and his my chem teacher!

Anyway, there are many stories that i can tell, but i'll probably just ramble on and on. so i know i must stop. HAHA, sec2 and sec3. My goodness. Its really hilarious when i think back and remember those times that i've spent. Whether it was for the better or for the worst, it did make me what i am today. A better person i know. Even though sarah was a bit of a problem(LOL), it was a lesson learnt the hard way. As i walk out the school on friday, i'll definitely look back and say

"We do not return to you, mother,

Because we never really left."

(PS. come on boys)

2005-10-02T23:44:00.000+08:00

i feel sooo guilty and literally sore about this weekend. I havent studied this weekend!i just read about 3 chapters of KOTC and thats it and i played soccer for 4F against 4I. A game of 2 halfs and 2 performances.. My first half not bad la, asserted some influence on the game and produced some good passes and twist and turns.Second half i really jialat la, my fitness really stopped me from playing my usually football and i cant be like genaro gattuso anymore. So tired. BUT i am going to jog soon with syen almost everyday. Anyway harry,hoechu, khooky and me went for dinner at SERANGOON. So far but my my, what a treat. Stingray, satay beehoon, satay, carrot cake (hmmm very nice), chicken wings and sugar cane juice. i havent drank that in a long time. Quite an eventful weekend but i reallly should have at least burnt some hours in my books. arsenal won (: but chelsea is going to win ): very very bad news. nevermind. chelsea will stumble and suffer some injuries and arsenal will win the championship

2005-09-29T20:49:00.000+08:00

11 points and i still cant go vj without appealing i think. this is really very bad news. And if i appeal, i might not be able to pursue the subjects that i really want to take. Bio, chem. But nevermind. Now i just going to study really hard. 9 points and below. bye! study hard boys, dont be demoralised by your prelims

2005-09-20T19:45:00.000+08:00

hello, sorry i havent been active at all for the past few days. spent most of the time on my bed or at the computer cause a bout of fever has plagued me for the past few days. Throbbing headaches, bodyaches, flu, phelgm. my goodness, the worst of all was the bad sleeps that i've had, waking up middle of night breaking out in a cold sweat or running to the toilet to cough out some phelgm. And the mistake that i made was to play a full match on sunday. Having a fever sucks, and it really makes you just want to plop into bed and hide under the covers and try to sleep. Anyway, i went to the doctor today, and she gave me FOUR pills to take! My goodness, pills pills. Like drug like that la. so many. ARGH, and there's school tomorrow! and the new timtable is out! i cant decide whether i should head back to school tomorrow. But luckily i dont think my pills cause drowsiness.

Anyway i think i should get going already. i'll try and do some tys for emath again. (: thanks for tagging boys.

2005-09-15T21:29:00.000+08:00

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

this song drove me on during the prelims (:

2005-09-12T19:43:00.000+08:00

Sorry boys, been to lazy to blog about my adventures. anyway prelims are coming to a end and hopefully it will also mean to a new beginning to my mugging mood. During the prelims i've been guilty of slacking. Honestly, i dont think i am all that prepared for prelims but thank God fo the touch of grace. I really thought i was a goner. But with some faith, things will be all right. Anyway its amath paper tomorrow, i pray that i'll have a clear and sharp mind too. I just hope that i dont make careless mistakes and mess up the paper i cant afford to be complacent too. i must do well for amath. Oh, today was physics. Hah, a number of questions were copied wholesale from rgs prelim paper. My goodness, i hope i do all right. And again i say " i wont play dota anymore!" Oh man, i've been playing dota quite regularly. I really have to stop and you boys should too. Its addictive and we should just focus on studying and perhaps after o's we can go dota crazy again. heh, recently i have this urge to play soccer. I havent touched a ball in ages. Withdrawal symptoms i say. I cant wait to play soccer for VJ hopefully, i have this urge to have the same fitness level, same skills and technique as those guys over there. I want to improve. And i want to win. And another thing is that i cant wait to start JC afresh with a clean record and the chance to excel in studies again. Anyway i better go off and do an amath paper, i just came online to blog and say hello to you boys. anyway thanks to jaf,abby,trili and boys. Eh who is hiho and angel? Thank you. Syen yuin! 6a1s ah. dont fret and just do your mighty best and He will do the rest. And hello drea. haha goodluck with your classes that end at 630 and thanks for the constant encouragement.

2005-09-05T14:42:00.000+08:00

I cant take it anymore. I feel like i've just been hit by hurricane.burning out. and the worst part is that i know i must strive on but some how i just give up and close the book. Today emath exam was nothing but demoralising. This really brings me down to a whole new level and i really just want to pack my bags and head overseas. I cant believe it, i really cant. things are really not going well for me. bye.

2005-08-30T15:23:00.000+08:00

to those victorians who need a good laugh and to remember the old times (:

2005-08-22T23:03:00.000+08:00

Lord hear our cry,
Come hear our land.
Breathe life into those dry and thirsty souls.
Lord hear our cry,
Forgive our sins,
As we call on your name
Would you make this place for your glory to dwell
Open the blind eyes. Unlock the deaf ears.
Come to your people
As we draw near.
Hear us from heaven.

Touch our generation.

We are your people,

Crying out in desperation.

Oh i am officially ill. Exhaustion and illness do not make a good combination to study. Sorry, i've let you down once again (again i stress). If only i do not dwell in a life of temptations. Regretfulness. Randomness of thoughts. Decided to let go of the things that make me no different from what he is. Not that he is any worst than i am. But i cant live my life knowing that I am wrong and continue to do wrong. Its not my actions that are wrong but more of the motive and the agenda. Disgusting, revolting to the bone. I apologise to that person even though i guess it wasnt obvious. But this few weeks even though i have burried myself in my work, I couldnt sleep in peace. I never realised how wrong i am, and i never prayed over something for such a long period of time. Guess i can never run away from God, should have known that from the start.

Anyway, hello nicole. Thanks of tagging (: Good luck for you EOYs and please study hard, dont end up like me and leave all the mugging for sec4. Im pummeled left and right up and down. Its really really hard to revise everything in such a short period of time. And maybe you should try to practise past year papers. It really helps when the exams are nearing, keeps you focussed on whats revelant and whats not revelant. Oh and really work on your weak science. It will come back and haunt you next year. Many people i know are like so stressed because of their weaker science. And keep up the good work and if you're ever feeling down remember - In the end, it will be okay. If its not okay, its not the end. Hah, or if you want my most comforting quote -As the evening fades, you call forth songs of joy.

And enough ah, zhao and harry. what ladies night. Khoo la, he some secretive fella. read our blogs never tag! Oh that reminds me, hello to you charlene. Hah, your blog template ugly, period. I'll drop a tag next time i visit. And study hard. (:

2005-08-20T19:49:00.000+08:00

Todays insight and review was really quite interesting. First the starvation that has long stricken the lands of Africa. Even though the aid from the US is trickling in the poor nations of Niger, Zimbabwe, Ethopia, Mauritania and many other countries that are suffering from the droughts, locust swarms coupled with the lean harvest have rendered them helpless. Then the exploration into the ineffiency of the US aid programme. Then the next interesting article was the re-introduction of New Economic Policy (NEP) which discussed the rationale behind the implementation a old policy which sole purpose was to close the gap between wealthy Chinese and the 50% of malays below the line of poverty. I learnt a new phrase - abject poverty. First time i read the newspaper with a dictionary beside me. Okay dictionary aside, another arguement was that which the malays have benefitted from the NEP and have climbed up the ladder of success, why arent they relinquishing their "right" of priviledges that they recieve undeserving. Like the 8-9% discount they get for buying a premium condominum for a "cool" 1 million rupiah.

Okay next, another article about the iniquities of the car company, Proton. The not so recent blowup a month back i think. And now we have an article that tells us about the poor export numbers of Proton and it reveals the failings of the 20-year protection of the Malaysian goverment by posing high tariffs on foreign car companies. Then came the article on Mr Shanon which drew me back to the article in the World section where it featured a picture of a woman who was clutching her baby. quite touching. Hah, but after that i decided to fold the papers and head to my tv! Soccer. okay done. anyway, VS all the way.

2005-08-19T23:41:00.000+08:00

Applaud the centrist victorians. They have kept a cool head and assessed the issue objectively. But wait hold that thought. Didnt we just hear that everyone's bias? We only have a 180degree view of whats ahead of us. So why dont we focus on the issue at hand. Like what we've read "the crux of the issue is how to keep VS sustainable academically." Now is the time to show that Victorians do not just "blindly believe", are not "self deluded", " misguided Maoists " and "myopic, baseless and highly subjective" people. Live up to your potential, put away your complaints of "useless" teachers. Too long have we been drowned in our criticisms of people.

Remember.

We do not return to you, mother,
Because we never really left.

2005-08-11T21:56:00.000+08:00

i never knew what 6 mini ipods could do. haha my group super funny. Confident sial. Nevermind. Its good to be contented (:

2005-08-11T17:34:00.000+08:00

MY GOODNESS. i ate ONE milo chocolate bar and half a cup of coke and im 1 pound heavier! im 146.3pounds. Im seriously overweight now ):

2005-08-11T08:07:00.000+08:00

eh why do you get stressed when you come to my blog?! Its only for a short period of time till O levels end and i unleashed the playfulness in me. hah, actually i only have a few goals after o levels. 1st - pick up guitar ( not literally), 2nd - learn how to knit ( dead serious. period ), 3rd - if i have to time i'd like to learn tennis. The other ambitions i have is obviously to get into VJ and win a championship finally :)

Nicol, Nicol where did you get my link from?! hah, soccer is fun and exciting. Who are your fierce opponents?! Anyway good that you are learning soccer in PE. that reminds me, once i was at Vj, half of the enormous field was filled with girls playing soccer. My goodness, so hilarious.

Yawn, sick today and i couldnt make the long and arduous journey to the school this morning. Anyway i have to finish up on some undone work. I was pretty busy these few days especially yesterday with the biterace. Anyway i feel a bit sore. Its hard to explain it. Its not a physical soreness. Something deeper i guess. Nevermind. Bye boys

2005-08-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

You'll never know what you can achieve till you start trying.

Today was really a short day for me. The only successful lesson was khoo's lesson. wong's lessons really have run dry for me. I dont need to ask him for alot of help anymore. I just need more and more practise. Anyway i was talking to adrian lim. Nice guy and most importantly, approachable. I found out he used to teach my sister in tkgs and he thinks my sister is smart and that i have alot to live up to. Will continue to persevere and keep my head buried in these books. study study study. Practise, understand and apply. okay. to tell you the truth. 5th of august is supposed to be my last day of physics. I realised that it is impossible to UNDERSTAND everything in physics that can range from the radioactivity to the relationship between kinetic energy and work done. Im going to plan out a studying schedule for each day

EXAMPLE

Monday --> Amath and Chemistry

Tuesday --> Physics and Emath

Thursday -->Amath and Emath

Saturday --> Hist/SS and English

Sunday --> Physics and Hist/SS

I really need to follow it anyway. If not even though im planning, i'll fail. Failing to plan is planning to fail. Sounds mightily familiar.Right now, My studying is really disorganized. I bring EVERYTHING to school and i study till about 930, and i study what i feel like studying, not studying what i SHOULD be studying to makes sure i get a L1R5 of less than 10. Being successful in this, i wonder whether it will reap fruits of hard labour(Nil Sine Labore). Think of jafnie, shuxie, vincent. Combine their qualities and you get a searing light that will make any tom,dick,harry feel inspired. Today Khoo showed us this 2 books. They were drenched in hardwork and sprinkled excessively with that secret ingredient that most of us lack or we thought we had. Pride. I really want to redo my hist notes. I really feel inspired to go that extra mile not for khooky but more for myself. Its really time to wake up and realise that if you think you're hardworking, there's bound to be somone who could own you with his hands tied behind his back. Its like my source of motivation. To strive for excellence. Time to get some sleep and head to school tomorrow morning to hit the books.

2005-08-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

mugging 6-8 hours a day is really tiring. hardly enough of sleep. but i can do it. My days evolve around my physics and amath. But i think its time to give the rein to the emath and hist. let them have a ride and i guess i'll be more familiar with the work.time to go sleep. my underwear seems to be getting tighter and tighter. horrible.

2005-08-01T22:39:00.000+08:00

OH MY. My underwear is getting too tight around the waist. Very uncomfortable. This is a testimony to my unusually fat stomach which has been expanding. you can go use calculus to calculate the delta-v change in the volume of my weight. disgusting.

2005-07-31T21:16:00.000+08:00

Feeling all so melancholic now. Stupid emotions running my life again. Being idle is not good. Anyway studying today was really lousy. i was so sick and tired so i decided to go home get my boots and play soccer with the church guys. Even more disappointing. Couldnt barely get 2 teams. 5v5 is no fun, seriously it is so dead. Coupled with the sorching sun, it really made all our legs dead-weight. Anyway, later some malays came over to join us. They were trying to make a fool out of us and i think they succeeded. I really hate it when people try to have an exhibition match. And they confirm play sepak tekraw. But at least i kept it inside. did lash out at anyone. On the way back, i was humming the tune of 3 doors down - here without you. Sial la, some reservoir of memories came back pulling me back into that abyss that i can from. But im fine now, maybe just a sense of regret. But life's full of it.

The hardest thing to find is joy.

2005-07-29T22:26:00.000+08:00

I think school is going to be my second home from now on. Planning to study mondays, tuesdays and thursday in school till about 930 or 10 and i'll execute the plan. By next week i'll master physics! Radioactivity, logic gates, circuits and kinematics will be just a thing of the past. Then math and hist elec will take the mantle/mandate. More plans to be planned soon. But i can tell that my studying plan will take its toil on my health. Already feeling the tiredness. Anyway, today was pretty okay. Maybe only assembly was a darn joke. " some of you all are even sportsmen and leaders." Eh please la, obviously referring to me. And during a period, "spend the whole night doing the sbq" thanks ah. At least i tried to be punctual and be hardworking so that i could meet the supposed deadline. Would've been nice to said sorry to. Like the times when i have to apologise when i pangseh. Nevermind matter aside, todays lesson was really good. Learnt alot about sbq. Stupid usefulness questions. I still have some doubts about it though. Not too clear about what to do.

Anyway, my physics is improving! Finally i can get a decent range of 29-31 when i do mcq. and i now can do paper2. My tuition teacher is really a wonder. He is so good at making the most difficult question seem easy and makes you understand it.

I feel really happy now (:

2005-07-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

oh man, im sick again. My mucus is sticky and somehow is trying to strangle the life out of me. Really shouldnt have played on sunday against sji old boys. Even though it made me feel abit better after the match, i started feeling the strain again at night. And stupid la, i stayed up to do SS work just to go to school to find out in the morning that khoo isnt doing it after school and that he's doing hist on wednesday so that means another late night for me on tuesday because i have to finish up my lit prose by tonight. That doesnt really spell a good few days for me.and judging by my studying programme. I have alot of physics and a math to complete this week. A few papers here and there and some topical assessments. Eh, my physics tuition topical worksheets SG(super good) sial. Anyway today some debra came to my school to give a presentation for the UWC scholarship. She stood there and stood there. Literally. Some lucky hongxuan.

MY GOODNESS, chelsea is owning ac milan. Chelsea is some finance machine that is really spoiling the balance of football. Okay time for me to go, i have my lit essay to finish.

2005-07-24T09:22:00.000+08:00

I call you when I need you,
my heart's on fire You come to me,
come to me wild and wild
When you come to me
Give me everything I need
Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams
Speak a language of love like you know what it means
And it can't be wrong
Take my heart and make it strong baby
You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone,
anyone I've ever met
I'm stuck on your heart,
and hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby I would rather be dead
In your heart I see the star of every night and every day
In your eyes I get lost,
I get washed away
Just as long as I'm here in your arms
I could be in no better place

2005-07-21T18:40:00.000+08:00

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/feature?id=337283&cc=4716

Oh my goodness, please go and read that page and read all about the life-threatening injuries soccer can give you. A broken fibula and tibia, as well as severe knee and ankle ligament damage. Sial la, no more career and all due to a single tackle. Hakeem go gym tomorrow. Please message me if you're going okay?

5 more weeks to prelims. Some rumour going on that prelims might be pushed forward to the september holidays and that spells major trouble. Disaster i tell you. And i hate speech day, why is it so late? And i got this threat that if we dont go, our testimonials will be screwed. Oh we had racial harmony day today. It was really really a waste of time. The only reason i came today was because of chemistry pract. My pract sucks. My titration i did 5 times! over and over again. And i hope my QA didnt get messed up by my fat fingers.

National track and field was fun. It has always been only that the atmosphere wasn't brimming with excitement as compared to last year. It was damn disappointing too. We were sitting beside ac and sji. They all sad sial. Kena owned, pawned, dominated by our cheers. When they start some cheer we dominate them with our cheers. drown their meek cheers. And please la, sit us beside some more fierce competition. and the sji kids were doing this 1_1 to the st nick girls la. anyway if you dont know what 1_1 is, ask me. Oh i saw abigail run. and i saw the other abigail from sng and syen saw nicole. Saw a few other friends too. Xuan and Co. came back. lucky balls. They really helped to liven up the atmosphere. the huang fei hong cheer seriously damn hilarious. They went crazy after awhile and started to throw the packets of stuff over to sji. Kudos to ronghua man. He really is a inspirational captain not by words but by his actions. He is my champion runner. Known him since sec1 and he is still humble,modest and determined even though he knows he is the best. And once again, Victoria School manages to beat independent schools like ac and ri. We beat sji too. sad sials. HCI must come down one year man. Hopefully it will be soon.

2005-07-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

The day of infamy. results are not as good as i expected. Hope im on the right track. I really need help. I dont know whether i should approach mr tan for help. anyway, the most shocking was edwin. He failed really quite a number of subjects, reduced him to tears. crazy balls.

Anyway to drown our sorrows, syen, zhao,harry and me went to sakae sushi for some buffet. 60 plates!! So full. could barely move. my stomach was like sooo big. Anyway another shocking thing was that i saw sarah today. Dont think she went school, but thats besides the point. I have a hunch that she smokes. I saw her with her boyfriend. hilarious to syen, but not to me. i just hope she comes out fine and wakes up. Okay, i bought Love Actually VCD. Oh my goodness,
the guy is so sweet. sincere and in love. His video of keira knightley, card message to her. He is so unbelievably sweet. Sounds like some syen.

Zhao, the anonymous on ruth's blog is getting on my nerves. really. I dont want to tag there anymore.

2005-07-17T21:53:00.000+08:00

I've been so sick these few days, some irritating nose that keeps frustrating me.. So when i sneeze i'd just hold my nose and keep it in. Somehow my chest hurts. This is very scary. Somemore like when i breathe i dont fill like got enough air going in like that. I think im going to die like that, and like any moment when im playing soccer or running. I could just collapse, fall into a coma and die. And i sometimes i wonder if i die, would i be forgotten by the people i love..

Anyway on the bright side, it was my grandparents birthday, actually my grandfather. It was really quite a nice 2 and a half dinner. I discussed with my cousin about body hair, he got more than me! He shave his stomach to his head! But his beard very cool! Im going to keep it that way la. Anyway i think i need to buy some ladies' accessories. Like nose hair cutter. SO IMPORTANT. My cousin told me all his stories! And he advised me to buy gillete mach 3. Every men's bestfriend. He say 'DAMN GOOD'. So set, im going to buy it as soon as possible. haha. I and him were talking about shaving our armpits. so funny. So itchy by the way. boys never do it, if not have to put powder everyday and you might develop a rash.

Okay, down to cake. When we were singing my grandparents the birthday song. WAH, they were like super joyful la. I could never see myself smiling so much and being so joyful, they really enjoyed the moment. And i realised, my grandmother doesnt know her birthday. Only the year. So we celebrate her birthday either on Mother's day or my grandfather's birthday. BUT SHE STILL SO HAPPY! Wow, and when its my birthday im nothing but melancholic. see the difference. Anyway, we left and then here i am, blogging. Anyway, the cake really reminded me of some stuff. K nevermind, water under the bridge. Bye!

2005-07-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

Hey Trili, haha i hope i keep on growing (: And Hakeem set ah, gym. But like twice a week and we do power training and endurance training okay? better than strength. I just got back from my marks and i guess im pretty happy with it. I hope my results will get better and nothing but hard work will do the job. So guys lets dont give up!

Today's tuition was sooo tiring. i was so tired and i kept falling asleep during tuition even though mr gabriel is really a good and interesting teacher. Listening comprehension was today too, guess i really couldnt prepare much so i hope my answers are just correct.

2005-07-12T19:51:00.000+08:00

The start of school. No more going home early, no more pool. studying and more studying.

VJ + VJ = VJ

I need to work doubly hard and spent quality time working on my weak subjects. Mainly my humans, physics and of course i have to practise my math till i cant lift my fingers to press the calculator anymore.No more soccer, only on sundays. Study study study, only 4 more months and i have to do it! Only 4 more months of studying. It'd wont be a problem, i can do anything. With faith, prayer and determination. What cant i do.

Today was really wasteful, feel so guilty. Really need to kill all temptation there is to play pool, play soccer, play dota. Please, no more tempting me please. I really have to lay off these stuff, maybe the only thing i'll entitle myself to is the gym and jogging. I very sad! my sister say my tummy grew! OH NO.

Okay time for me to go. read a book